GUIDING YOUR CHILD RESPONSIBLY

Responsible Children Will Grow Into Responsible Adults

Pamela
Tuesday, 10:28am

I don’t know if you’ve heard this before. You’ve probably heard parents saying that they do NOT know what’s going on in their child’s mind or they have no way of knowing why they are behaving the way they do…

And that’s simply very true. You simply don’t know what your child is thinking or why your child is behaving the way he does.

If you don’t understand what’s in their mind, what they want and their needs, it simply means you don’t know how to handle them.

Have you ever felt dumb-founded and confused by their actions? Have you been left wondering why they react or behave that way when they really shouldn’t?

How did you react? Have you yelled, shouted and punished your children because they misbehaved or did not abide to the rules you’ve set at home? All parents do that one time or another.

However, if it’s done too often it’s going to hurt your relationship with your children. Both of you will end up in a “lose-lose” situation.

• You risk them hating you, even though you are doing your best for them

• You risk creating an impression of one who always yell and punish them

• You risk your child growing up with a poor self esteem as he thinks that he is always not good enough for you

Your child might listen to you when you shout or bark orders, but they are doing it out of fear or punishment. They have not really internalized the values you want to imbue in them. I would like to help you shortcut your learning process and to save you expensive mistakes that you might make.

Why not create a win-win situation for yourself and your children?

If you want to learn how to dance or play golf, what is the usual thing that you would do? You will most probably enroll yourself in a training school or engage a personal trainer. What do you do when you have to bring up a child?

You probably bring them up the way you were brought up. Alternatively, you might seek advice from friends and relatives who has had children before. Or if there are some things you feel strongly about, you might swing to the extreme to enforce them. Very often, we bring up our children through trial and error.

I have been an educator for 25 years. I have taught young children as well as older ones. From my years of interaction with young children and teenagers, I have come to several conclusions as to how to effectively guide children to become useful and responsible adults.

I have also seen fads and theories being expounded over the last couple of decades. However, there are some things that should stand the test of time as most parents want the same things for their children, like integrity, confidence, filial piety.

I can understand how unsure and even confused you are about bringing up children. You must be curious to know why there are some children who are so loveable and are able to do and say the right things most of the time.

On the other hand, you are shocked or even frustrated to see another group of children who is the total opposite. You wonder why these children could be so different. You worry which type your child would grow up to be and desperately hope that it’s not the latter.

However, bringing up a child cannot be left to chance or hope. You try your best as a parent but there is such a plethora of theories, all telling us various ways of bringing up a child, you are unsure what you are doing is the best for your child.

I know what you are looking for in a solution: you want to know what the trusted ways of bringing up a child are. You want someone to do the homework and tell you in a concise way how you can be a good parent. I understand that as busy parents you are not in the mood to read long and lengthy books, explaining various studies and offering statistics. What you need is a simple yet effective handbook, with easy-to-understand steps to follow.

If you are perfectly happy and comfortable with how your child will grow up to be, then I suggest you stop reading now. That’s because whatever I’m going to share with you will hold little interest for you.

But if you want to know why it’s important to guide your child, and how you can do so in a few simple steps…you’ll want to carry on reading this carefully.

Learn how to guide your child in a few simple steps:

Having a plan of how you are going to discipline your children allows you to be proactive and not reactive. If you are reactive, you will react according to your mood and not the deed. Your child will be confused as conflicting signals are sent to him on various occasions.

You need to learn how to:

• Set limits for your child using techniques that will not make your child feel that you are controlling them so that they will respect your decisions.

• Show that you value your child without having to give them gifts, presents or other types of offerings as a form of “bribery”.

• Teach your child manners to stand him in good steed in life as emotional intelligence is becoming an important skill in life

• Let your child realize his mistake without having to resort to a shouting or screaming match so you can have a win-win situation

Bringing up a child can be an exciting and pleasurable experience as long as you bear in mind a few important strategies. Raising a child can be a treat and not a terror if we are consistent in how we guide our child. It is a parent’s duty and wish that the child grows up into a useful and responsible adult, fulfilling his role in the community.

Loving your child does not mean giving in to his or her every whim and fancy. This not only causes stress to you, your child will also not learn what he or she can or cannot do in future.

• Your child knows what he or she should or should not do and saving you time and energy having to ‘fight’ with him or her over little things, like time to sleep or have a bath

• Your child is confident and has a high self-esteem, instead of feeling that he or she is a failure and cannot face up to the challenges in life

• You are less stressed having to give in to his or her demands and you have more time to do the things you want

• Your child learns and exhibits values that are important to you and your child makes many good friends as he or she is trustworthy and has integrity

…Loving your child does not mean catering to his or her every whim and fancy as you are not teaching your child the value of things. Your child will only take for granted the things he or she has.

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate to understand your child

Do not expect your child to open up to you if you do not spend time with your child.

• You know what your child does so that you can build trust and a better relationship with your child

• You know the friends he or she is mixing with so you can understand how your child’s friends may influence their behavior and decisions

• You know what your child thinks you can prevent  misunderstandings while trying to give your child directions
• He or she consults you on things so your child gets adult advice instead of just from his peers

• You trust him or her so your mind can be at ease, knowing your child will not do anything that will bring harm to himself

If you have been spending time talking and playing with your child when he is young, your child will open up to you easily when he has problems. He is also more willing to talk and spend time with you, even when he grows up.

Watch your child grow up into a responsible citizen

No matter what we are ourselves, we want our child to be imbued with the right values.

• Your child knows right from wrong.  This will save you a lot of headaches later on as your child knows what is good for him and behaves responsibly.

• Your child tells the truth.  Your mind is at ease as you and your child communicate frequently and you know who he goes out with and what he is doing. 

• Your child is respectful as he knows how to empathise and treat other individuals with respect.

• Your child wants to do his part for the community as he is compassionate and wants to do his part to make the world a better place for everyone.

How often do we catch a glimpse of ourselves through our children? If so, we better watch out. We do not want our children to make the same mistakes that we had made. If we are able to teach the values we want our children to have, we should start watching our behavior.

If you want your child to feel secure, be consistent

Do not discipline your child according to your moods, but for the deed.

• Your child knows the consequences of his behavior

• Your child knows his limits

• Your child appreciates you for what you are doing

• Your child feels secure in the environment

• Your child does better in life

Sometimes, a child acts up because he wants you to lay down the rules. Odd it may sound, your child wants some boundaries that he can work within. If you want your child to feel secure and grow up feeling confident, do what’s right for your child, give your child what he needs, not what he wants.

Be a good example to your child

I am sure you are familiar with the saying, “Monkeys see, monkeys do”. Do not try to tell the child to do what’s right if he sees you doing otherwise. “Do as I say and not do as I do” does not go down well with children.

• Your child’s behavior is aligned to yours

• Your child do what’s right by you

• Your child’s moral standard is also yours

Don’t think we can get away with telling our children, “Do as you’re told and not do as I do” as actions speak louder than words. It seems that we have a different set of standard for ourselves and a higher one for our children. However, the choices we want our children to make for themselves should be the ones we are making for ourselves.

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Do yourself and your child a favor; you have nothing to lose here. As a matter of fact, I am the one who is taking the risk.

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It’s YOUR decision whether you want to do what’s right for your child by spending a small amount to ensure that you are guiding your child along the right path.

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I hope you will make the right decision by doing yourself and your child a favour and get your own copy of Love Me.

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With Warmest Regards,

Pamela

P.S. Remember, the knowledge and benefits you get out of these books far outweigh the small amount you pay. You are doing what is best for your child. You are clear and you strongly understand the reasons why you are doing what you are doing and not guessing and trying out what’s best for your child.

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